break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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