ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
