are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
