And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
