Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
