can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
