she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
