Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
