That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
