i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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