I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
