I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
