So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
