Ketchup is God's man juice
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
