Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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