I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
