So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
