$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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