i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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