I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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