The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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