you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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