i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
