Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
