I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
