i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
