you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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