I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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