it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
