Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
