I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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