Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have aggressive nipples.
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My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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