Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
