u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
