I think i peed on brittanys purse
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize