I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
