We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
