i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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