I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
