She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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