I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
