I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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