Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
