she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
