she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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