Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
