thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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