I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
