I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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