its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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