i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
