Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
