at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
