first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
