I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm really busy with my period
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