I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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