non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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