You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
