her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
