You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
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Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I made him laugh his dick is mine
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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