that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
