I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
