what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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