I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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