i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
