Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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