It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
