if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
3pm strippers are depressing
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
