walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
