highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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