Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
