so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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