fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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