Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he shaved USA in his pubs
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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