Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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