Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
