I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
