i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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