I cannot find my penis.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
