xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
